Staines Town

Club Profile

First Played: 1986-7

Win Rate: 29% (from 7 games)

Last Updated: 29 June 2022

Long before Ali G made the town famous, Boro’ had already been there and done that in battles against Staines Town. That said, we don’t quite have the cultural clout of Sacha Baron Cohen and our seven meetings with them (to date) aren’t exactly the stuff of football folklore in this country. But we guess we’re just trying to say that our adventures have taken us to all sorts of places in our time. And it’s only in more recent times that such places have found fame.


Staines Town: The Facts

Wheatsheaf Park
Wheatsheaf Lane, Staines, Middlesex, TW18 2PD

01784 469240


Who are Staines Town Football Club?

Now, the town’s footballing reps – Staines Town – are yet to make much of an impression upon the nation as a collective. Yet, they’re a part of our tale and that’s more than enough for us. The Swans first came to be in 1892. But it would appear the club folded in 1935; coming back to life just before the end of World War Two as Staines Vale. Their official website isn’t exactly clear on this – and doesn’t explain when or why they binned Vale and added Town to the name.

In 1953, the Swans were one of the Hellenic League’s founder members. But they moved on just five years later to join the Spartan League; a decision that was vindicated when they came top of the pile in 1960. The club’s next step was to join the Athenian League; a competition they signed up to in 1971 and then left in 1973. Mind you, they did claim the Division Two title in their debut campaign, before finishing second in Division One in their second.

Why do we know the Swans?

Instead of trying their luck in the Premier Division, the Swans decided the Isthmian League was the place to be. In just two years, they’d gained promotion from Division Two to Division One. It was renamed as the Premier Division two years later. Just in case you thought there’d been one more promotion in there.

The 1981-2 campaign was arguably the pinnacle up to that point – and indeed since. The Swans came fourth in the table; a point behind Wycombe Wanderers if you can believe that. But things started to go wrong. And, just two seasons later, they were relegated to Division One – despite a mid-table finish. The reason? Their ground wasn’t up to scratch, or so we believe.

It meant the Swans had to go again in getting back to the top rung of the Isthmian ladder. After falling some way short with both of their first two efforts to do so, the 1986-7 season saw them joined in Division One by a Boro’ side who had taken just two years themselves to pass through Division Two North. And the Surrey outfit were just one of many teams at that level who’d offer us a stern test of our credentials as we looked to continue our rise northwards.

Staines Town: Record vs Boro'

Pl W D L F A GD Pts* WR%
Overall 7 2 2 3 11 10 1 5 29%
Home 4 2 1 1 9 6 3 4 50%
Away 3 0 1 2 2 4 -2 1 0%
League 6 1 2 3 9 10 -1 5 17%
Cup 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 n/a 100%

* league points only

Staines Town: Result-by-Result (Boro' Scoring First)

Saturday 07 October 1995

Saturday 01 May 1993

Monday 22 March 1993

Saturday 23 April 1988

Monday 29 February 1988

Tuesday 24 February 1987

Saturday 08 November 1986

Elliot Buchanan Profile
Dean Cracknell Profile
Gary Crawshaw Profile
Jermaine Hunter Profile
Jefferson Louis Profile
Gary MacDonald Profile
Dwayne Plummer Profile
Danny Potter Profile
Ian Richardson Profile
Andre Scarlett Profile
Tyron Sealey Profile
Robin Shroot Profile
Errol Telemaque Profile
Terence Vancooten Profile
Dean Wells Profile
Calum Willock Profile

How to get to Staines Town – Travel Information – Distance: 46 miles

By Road

Make use of the A1(M)-M25 combination to take yourself counter-clockwise. Come off at Junction 13 and take the B376 (third exit) from the roundabout. Shortly afterwards, it’s the first exit you’ll need to take the B376 Wraysbury Road back across the M25. Stay on the B376 as you enter Staines-on-Thames, bearing left for the A308 High Street and passing the Mercure hotel on your right.

Go straight onto the B376 and turn right onto Wheatsheaf Lane after nearly a mile.

Tools: AA Route Planner | Highways Agency


The ground has a modest car park – but it should be more than adequate.

By Rail

Station: STAINES

Head south on Gresham Road out onto Laleham Road and turn left. Continue on until Wheatsheaf Road appears on the right.

Tools: National Rail | TfL Journey Planner