Go-oo-od morning, madam. The erudite townsfolk of blessed St. Evenage are walking down to Broadhall Way to see the Boro’ aces, for it is Residents’ Day. On our Dunlop-starred Prix Fixe menu is Colchester United, and the taste has so far proved an acquired one. Now we’re home from our epic adventures around League Two’s most distant outposts with Michael Palin, the half-time slideshow is going to be quite the visual spectacle.
The football, meanwhile? Ah yeah, that. It’s what we’re here for, isn’t it? The Us in fourth take on us (not to be confused with The Us or the USA) in seventh. What does it all mean? In theory, it’ll be a super-duper showcase of what our humble division has to offer our fresh-faced punters. Just as long as we don’t show them a video of how we conceded the all-important goal at Exeter in midweek. We’ll never convince them otherwise.
Stevenage v Colchester United: Bits and Pieces
P19 W10 D5 L4 F33 A18; last result: Stevenage 4-1 Yeovil Town, 17/02/2018
Refs aren’t renowned for spreading joy upon yonder land they doth walk, but Nick Kinseley might be as good as we could hope for. We’ve scored nine across the last two of ours he’s taken charge of, which is a bit decent innit? He’s an old pal too; our previous together stretching back to Conference times. So far this term, he has reffed seven times across Leagues One and Two. In doing so, he’s shown 19 yellows and a single red.
P10 W1 D2 L7 F11 A21; last result: Stevenage 0-1 Colchester United, 24/03/2018
The gaffer says we’ll “bounce back” this weekend, but history might have something to say about that. The Us, for all incense and porpoises, are a bone fide bogey team for us; bouncing back themselves from the festive 6-1 spanking we doled out to ’em in 2011 and clocking up nine unbeaten against us. Last term’s draw over there is all we have to show in the last seven. March’s home defeat, meanwhile, was Dino’s first in charge for us.
All things considered, we’d probably swap Colchester United’s league form for ours. Only just, though. The Us come to us unbeaten in their five away days so far this season; four of those trips ending in draws. This lot also know where the opposition goal is. But for the opening day, they’ve found the net at least once in every game; topping the scoring charts with 24 from 11. So let’s not give ’em the same invitation we gave Exeter – yah?
Out of the blocks is what The Us do; 10 of their 24 goals coming in the first half hour. They’ve bagged seven in the last quarter of an hour too. At the other end, their defence has yet to concede during the first 30 minutes of a game. It’s the second half when their back door seems to swing open; 82% of the goals they’ve let in have come after the break, while 45% have come in the final 15. 11 goals conceded ain’t a leaky defence, though.
Anyway, this is how we’re doing and this is also how they’re doing – all brought to you by kickoff.co.uk…
• MORE ABOUT ‘EM: Colchester United club profile