Don’t Call Us, We’ll Col U…


By Pete H

So, third time lucky. Right? It’d better be. Boro’ have started this new campaign in a similar fashion to how we finished the last. By which, we mean waiting on our next win to come along. Now, of course, we *know* what was then is not what is now. New faces, for a start. And a defeat away to a side two divisions above us isn’t as distressing as being held by a woeful Morecambe outfit. Yes, we’re an impatient bunch here at BoroGuide HQ. What of it. Once you get a taste of winning, you go back for seconds. And we’re feeling a bit undernourished!

So, maybe we can get our fill this weekend? Up next (for anyone who can’t be arsed to phone the club shop) is a trip to a side who – in the opinion of their local rag – started the season in a manner that was “as alarming as it was disappointing“. Now, we have linked that purely for attribution’s sake. If you like ad-ridden websites, go click through and read the whole piece. Anyway, we’re trying to make the point that neither us nor Colchester United (oops, didn’t mention who it was) are looking too fondly at our respective starts to this term.


Colchester United v Stevenage: The Lowdown

Colchester United v Stevenage: Don't Call Us, We'll Col U...

The Opposition:
Colchester United, then. Not only is their gaff an unhappy hunting ground for us, but themselves are, let’s say, problematic to the Boro’ cause. After making fools – nay – utter fools of them on Boxing Day 2011, the Us have not held back. In the seven games that have followed, we’ve taken just one point. And that came from the first of those seven. AND we’ve conceded 18 goals in the last six. If you missed that, let us underline and put feckin’ sparkles around it. 18 (we owe you sparkles). That’s three goals PER game. GCSE Maths ‘B’ right there.

Jebus wept.

Now, you might recall us whinging about not winning a few whiny, nasal-ly passages ago. The last time we did a win was against those charlatans from the arse-end of the A1 on April Fool’s Day. The following game, we went to Colchester United. And there our promotion bid started slipping. Well, if a 4-0 humbling counts as slipping – not smashing right through the ice with a pair of concrete shoes for company. So, do we take a loss and hope it bookends a less-than-satisfactory run of form? Or do unto them what they have done unto us. Repeatedly.

The Form:
Form? Form!? A reasonable comparison cannot be made two games into the season; not least when both sides have been forced to entertain Championship opposition. All we can say to a level of fact that we’re happy with is that we have one more point than them, and managed to match our opponents’ three goals last weekend. It is about as much as we can hope to offer. As we all know, the definition of form in these diminishing-attention-span days is excruciatingly defined as ‘the last six games, innit’.

In terms of us and Colchester, has the picture – last six overall and last six at theirs…

Colchester United v Stevenage: Stats Colchester United v Stevenage: Stats

The Referee:
It’s Kenny Loggins. No, wait, sorry; it’s Antony Coggins. He did the Conference last season.

And that’s about all we can tell you.

The Head-to-Head:
P8 W1 D1 L6 F10 A19; last result: Colchester United 4-0 Stevenage, 08/04/2017

• BoroGuide’s Colchester United club profile: The head-to-head comes with a note of caution…